My loyal readers know that I recently had a D&C done, because of fibroid tumors and there was talk of doing a hysterectomy as well, but at the time it was just going to be a D&C. At my follow up appointment my doctor told me that I would need the hysterectomy after all and I was told it would take place in March.
When I went to make my appointment, the receptionist said he does the surgeries every other Wednesday and that left March 2 and 16. I was going to say the 2nd, but then I remembered that Anthony's birthday is March 3rd. I thought I don't want to have major surgery the day before his birthday, because I wouldn't be there to celebrate it with him. So I chose the 16th instead.
Why ?????
It's not like Anthony is a little boy anymore....he's going to be 17. He probably wouldn't care if he had cupcakes on his actual birthday. Anthony isn't a mama's boy, but he does love me enough to not want to see me suffering in pain. He is intelligent enough to know what a huge ordeal this whole thing has been. I don't think he would have minded.
But.....
The mom in me, couldn't do it.
Now, I have to wait out not only the rest of February, but two more weeks in March as well. Two more weeks (3 total) of pain and suffering and bleeding off and on and back pain and cramps and feeling tired and crappy. Periods like they were before the D&C with clots and such. Driving Rich crazy with worry, driving myself crazy with worry. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of worrying about every little thing. I'm tired of worrying about work and calling off when I don't have the sick days to cover it. I'm tired of the whole darn thing and just want it to be over with already. I've been struggling with my feelings and everything connected to that part of me.
Why oh why do I have to be such a mom!
Why didn't I think of just Me?
*Linking to Shell's Pour Your Heart Out
Hang in there girl! Only 3 more weeks and life will make sense again! I've heard that a hysterectomy can help get those naughty little hormones back where they belong!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Sorry to hear you are in such pain. I hope the surgery helps once it is done. You didn't think of yourself because you are a mom and that is what mom's do. Not sure why we think that way but once we have a kid our whole mindset seems to change.
ReplyDeleteAt 17, I'm sure Anthony would understand if you couldn't be there with cupcakes on his actual birthday, but I'll bet he'll be so happy that you will be. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear you have a date set, and I hope that's the solution for you.
On another note, I love the new look of the blog!
I really have to say I can relate. I'm always making decisions to put my kids first and the things I need last or sometimes not at all. But this is your health. And I would be confident to say that your kids would much rather you have this done ASAP than see you in pain and suffer. Like you said B-days don't have to be celebrated the day of.. and he's old enough to understand, like you said. Also, what it something goes wrong or things get worse in the mean time. Wouldn't that mean more suffering and pain for not only you but your family seeing you this way? Talk to the kids, move the date up. You can sing Happy b-day from the bed with everyone surrounding you =D BUT again, I can totally relate to the "Such a Mom" statement. Mom's make the most sacrifices but this is one I think the family would agree needs immediate attention!
ReplyDeleteBest of Luck to you!
-Joan
Funny we mothers tend to always think how every decision we make revolves around the kids.
ReplyDeleteI beleive many of us can relate to what you are feeling not to mention going thru.
My prayers and thoughts are with you! The waiting game is by far the worst and I can totally relate at the present time!
Big hugs Char, I don't have an answer for you...it's a tightrope we walk - Mom vs Woman. I think for most, Mom usually wins. If you are seriously struggling with the decision you are allowed to change your mind you know. Again, BIG hugs...
ReplyDeleteSo sorry :(. Wish I knew how to speed up time for you. And yes as Moms we rarely put ourselves first.
ReplyDeleteB/c this is what moms do. I'm sorry that you have to wait, though.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. Truly. I am getting a hysterectomy in May, even though my doctor was ready to do it over a month ago. I am waiting because my youngest won't be done with his co-op preschool until then. But the pain from endometriosis has ruled my life and I just want it over... I just wrote about it here http://www.nowondermom.com/2011/01/i-hate-you-endometriosis.html I wish you well with yours and hope you feel much needed relief!
ReplyDelete