The Forbidden

When I was younger (we're talking high school days - way back in the dark ages), I would use my mother's things. Mainly her shampoo, soap, lotion - stuff like that. It would drive her crazy. I thought she was just being stupid, being upset over that kind of thing. I mean really, it's just shampoo, right? But this really made her mad, I didn't really understand it --- until now.

Amanda uses my stuff ALL the time. It drives me absolutely bonkers! It's not that I mind it, it's just that I buy special shampoo and stuff for everyone. Rich likes his stuff, I buy kid stuff (like Loreal) and then I buy myself some. I told her not to use my shampoo, because I had just gotten some for the kids.

Well, she did use it. And now that the bottle was almost empty, I bought something else. This time for blondes (thinking she wouldn't use it, because she has red hair). Not only is she using the new shampoo (for blondes), she has left that other almost empty bottle of shampoo in the shower for weeks now. You would think that now, since I told her she could use it, she would. But of course she hasn't touched it. I don't want to throw it away, because it still has shampoo in it.

Why does she do that? Honestly it's like she was using the other stuff, simply because she was told not too and now that she's allowed the appeal to use it is gone. Now I know why my mother kept saying "When you have kids, I hope you have one just like you." I must have driven her insane, LOL!

Stay at home mom meet Working mom

I know that all moms are working moms. But I've been a sahm for over 13 years. I started staying home, when Anthony was a baby and he's almost 14. Through the years, I've had various jobs (just extra money to either make ends meet, or have spending money). But I have always considered myself a stay at home mom.

I've been working as a certified nursing assistant for almost 5 years (April). I love the job, but it is hard work. I should say I love the residents (patients), but the work itself is hard. It's hard getting attached to those folks, when you know they are at the end of their lives. It's hard taking care of them, meeting their basic needs. Helping them bath, get dressed, sometimes feeding them, changing their diapers. It's hard thinking that someday, that could be me. I really do like my job. It kind of makes me feel like I have a purpose, not that staying home doesn't do that. But it's just different, making your own money, contributing financially to the family.

When I first starting working Rich would make it a big point to show me what all the extra money was going to. Like we had extra money to buy the kids new bikes. And he made it a big point to show and tell the kids that mom's job paid for them. It made me feel important.

I like staying at home, don't get me wrong. I love seeing my children's faces when they look for me in the crowd at an event and find me sitting there watching them. I love being to one they run to when they have things that need to be solved. I love being home in general. And it makes it really hard sometimes when I have to go to work. Hearing Nathan crying as I close the door, leaves me in tears on my way to work. Not being able to go to one of the kids' concerts, or sporting events makes me feel like I'm being left out of something. It makes me feel like a bad mom.

But I also know there are times when I just have to suck it up and deal with it, cause I'm a big girl. Like now, with the holidays being over, and going over board with gifts, someone has to make extra money. Our situation is different now that Rich is hurt and can't work. He gets a fixed income, which is substanial, but doesn't always pay for the extra stuff we need, or want. So now that lies on me. I have to make the extra money and I have to suck it up on the days where I just want to be at home. I guess that's just life and we all have to deal with it.

For the next month or so (especially this coming month), I have to be a big girl and deal with it missing the twins play basketball and Amanda's play practice. But that's okay. I might bitch and whine about it, but in the end, I know it's what I have to do. So I'll just do it. Hopefully when things settle down at work and maybe they hire a couple of new people I can go back to working just a few days a week. Instead of almost everyday of the week.

The Joys Of Christmas

The gifts are unwrapped and all over the floor, the kids are winding down from their sugar highs, and Mom and Dad are exhausted!

Seriously, I fell asleep around 5 or so, got up around 9 and then fell asleep again around 11. Rich did basically the same thing. Thankfully Amanda helped out and watched her younger siblings. They were all busy playing with their new toys to pay much attention to the fact the mom and dad were beat.

They had a good time, and nice Christmas, at least I think so anyway. They all made out like bandits. Amanda and Anthony each got laptops and cell phones, and accessories for both things. They each got PJs, slippers, gloves, candy, etc. Amanda got two cds, make-up, and much more. Anthony got a Rubik's cube (he wanted it), 2 Harry Potter DVDs, and other stuff.

The younger kids all got PJs, undies and socks. They got a computer to share.

Sarah got a Nintendo DS, and games to go with it, 3 cds, a DVD, lip gloss, easy bake mixes, etc. Zachary got a Nintendo DS, and games to go with it, DVD, a bunch of Army guys, bioncles, Magnetix and other stuff.

Nicholas got a VSmile book thing for it, 2 books to go with it, a VSmile controller VSmile games, a Pirate of the Caribbean Pirate Ship, Pirates to play with, Magnetix, 4 DVDs, Leap pad books etc.

Nathan got clothes, Meganetix, Little People Police Car, Little plastic Hot Wheels (by Fisher Price?), a car carrier for his little car thing, a race track thing for his little car things, and other things.

Both little boys got Geo Track stuff (road and a new controller), new cars, other things to share.

They all got Playdough, coloring books, crayons, construction paper, games, and just a bunch of junk.

I got Rich a new pair of PJs, and a razor kit thing, he got me, new slippers and gloves. We decided not to do much for us, since we did it big for the kids. We took lots of pictures and I think we all had a nice time.

The Night Before Christmas

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by Clement Clarke Moore


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."


Merry Christmas everybody!!

Christmas Eve

Back when I was a kid, I remember my dad always being gone all day on Christmas eve. I asked my mother once why is was gone and she said he was out shopping. My dad would apparently wait until Christmas eve to shop for my mother or what other gifts he was buying. Now whether my mother was a snooper or my dad was just a procrastinator, I don't really know. But this day always reminds me of my father!

My dad has been gone for 13 years now, but I miss him like he just passed away. I know my mother moved on, got remarried. My dad didn't die on Christmas eve, he passed in May. But Christmas eve always brings me back to my dad. I adored my father, like I'm sure most little girls do. He was my hero literally and figuratively.

Once when I was little, I remember a bat flying in my window at night and I screamed until my dad (who had trouble walking) ran into my room. I had the covers thrown up over my head and my dad asked why I was screaming. When I explained there was something in my room (at that point I didn't know what it was) and pointed in the direction it flew. My dad didn't take it lightly. He didn't make fun of me or think I was being foolish. He found the bat and said it was just a baby. No bigger than his thumb and he let him back out the window. I still had the covers over my head when my dad came over and pulled them down.

I don't remember my dad being overly compassionate, I don't remember my dad being the one who punished me when I was bad. I do remember once him threatening me with his belt. But I was my daddy's little girl and I don't think he could have ever laid a hand on me. I think he realized how hard my mother was with me, and to make up for it, I could do no wrong with him. My brother and I were pushing a big box down our stairs when we got the idea we could ride in it. Well Charlie got in and I pushed him down and Charlie almost went through the floorboards (it was a very old house ridden with termites - we later found out). My dad was livid. He made Charlie stand in the corner even though Charlie explained that I pushed him. Dad just said, well I guess you shouldn't have got in that box in the first place.

It occured to me after he died that I really didn't know my dad. I had heard so many stories at the viewing and funeral about my dad. I think most people loved him. He would help anyone out that needed it. I'm sure he would have given the shirt off his back for someone. But I never really got to know him. I know he loved me. I know he loved me alot.

I also think he knew that he was dying. Or going to die soon, because once a few months before he died he made me sit on his lap like I used to do when I was a little girl. And I said dad, I'm going to hurt you (because, I was eight months pregnant and he had already had three mini strokes and a broken hip) and he said I could never hurt him. He told me that he loved me. He said that he didn't really like Rich (only teasing me) but he thought Rich was a good man and that he would take good care of me.

Shortly after that I had Anthony. While I was in the hospital (this was in March), my dad stopped by everyday on his way home from work to visit with me. He would stay for a few mintues or a few hours, but he stopped everyday. My dad died in May that same year. When his friend's wife called me, I knew why she was calling. I even said, my dad's dead isn't he. I don't know why I felt that way, I've done that with a few other people I was close to. But I knew.

Now as a parent, I hardly ever get the chance to just sit and think about my dad. And Christmas eve is generally so busy that it's hard to remember things. Especially when you are running around at the last minute trying to get everything done. But sometimes, like today while you are running around, you remember that your dad was always running around too. Maybe he's running right beside me, helping me remember everything I need to do. I'd like to think so.

Family Christmas Party

Today was my family Christmas party. We just do this with my side of the family, because Rich's mother and sister are too far away. We had alot of fun.

We did a Chinese auction with the adult gifts. I got a box of about twenty picture frames, and mats for the frames. Rich got a gift card for Lowe's which was perfect for him. My mother gave him a gift card from Home Depot as well, so he is all set in that department. My mother gave me a cute shirt, and a little glass angel.

The kids made out like bandits. My mother gave them each a 20 bill. My sister gave them various gifts such as; Nathan a playdoh set, Nicholas matchbox cars, Amanda perfume, Anthony a little basketball hoop and ball, Zachary also got matchbox cars, Sarah got a Hello Kitty purse/stationary set. My brother and his wife gave them clothes from Old Navy. And they got candy and other stuff. So they are flying high.

Speaking of flying high, Rich gave Amanda and Anthony one of their presents early. They got Crazers from Verizon (cell phones). They have been downloading songs (because it is also an MP3 player), putting their friends into the phone books and taking pictures like crazy.

We had alot of good food, fun laughs and just an all around good time. I took a ton of pictures and added them to my photobucket account. All in all it was a nice day. Despite me having to run around at the last minute to buy three gifts, plus ground beef to make my pot luck dish. We ended up being about an hour or so late. But my family knows how I'm always running around like a nut and how I'm always late for everything.

Oh and I was pleasantly surprised when my sister said she goes to my photobucket account and downloads pictures of the kids. And how she is constantly showing everyone who doesn't believe I have six kids their pictures. It was funny and neat at the same time. I think it's because I have always looked up to her. I mean she is my older sister and all, but I have always wanted to be like her, or something like that. Anyway I just thought it was neat that she was looking and showing off her nieces and nephews. I was wondering how I had so many hits on there. I get like 500-2,000 every month. And I know I look alot and download things, but not that much.

*** pictures of the party; my brothers and sister (my twin brother is the one of the end); a picture of all the cousins; me and Rich and the kids; siblings and spouses***

Winter Break Means No Break For Mom

The kids had a half day of school today. They had their holiday parties and the teachers hyped them up on candy and sent them home -- Thanks!

My kids do fight on occassion, but it's not always that bad. Except for today, I for the life of me, can not figure out what got into them! Sarah is whining worse than Nathan. Constant whining from her! Amanda and Anthony feel the need to scream, instead of talk. Zachary, Nicholas and Nathan are running around like lunatics! With more screaming!

My poor head!

I'm scrambling around trying to get things done for Christmas. One package, Rich paid to have overnighted is delayed 24 hours!? He's in pain from his back, so he is grouchy.

Where is our Christmas spirit?

Oh and here's the really fun part. I stayed up last night trying to get some things done, i.e. bake cookies, put the teachers' gifts together, etc. Well, at some point I was exhausted and sat down and proceeded to fall asleep. In the meantime, I left all the cookie stuff out. We're talking melted chocolate, chocolate chips, peanut butter, etc. I guess when Nathan got up, he was hungry. So he helped himself to not only the cookies I had made, but also to the melted chocolate and other things. Rich woke me up. My Gosh, what a mess that little boy made.

I guess the good thing is that if something happened to me and I was deblitated for some reason, Nathan really could take care of himself and fix something for himself to eat, huh?

Holiday to do list, so far....UPDATED!!

Thought it would be easier to do if I had it written out somewhere, so I can check things off as I get them done. And hopefully get most of them done within the next few days, so all I will have to do is finish the shopping when the money is here. I already have my ham, I got that a few weeks ago from work. They gave out 14 pound hams for a gift. So I threw mine in the freezer to make on Christmas day (I usually make a ham on Christmas day anyway, so that was one big expense I didn't have to worry about).

1. First and foremost, I can not control the postal service. So I need to get the cards finished and mail those suckers today! I don't know how long it will take the post office to deliver them, but I can at least get them in the mail and cross my fingers that people will get them before Christmas ----- DONE!!

2. Decorate my naked tree. I already started doing this in spurts. As I walk by it, I will throw things on it. I already did the lights and garland. Now, I need to finish the rest of it and throw some other decorations around as well. ----- DONE!!

3. Wrap the gifts I already have and make a list of them. So I can see, who has what and what else I need. Make another list of things that I will need to buy. ----- IN PROCESS!!

4. Bake cookies. I did tell Sarah she could help me. I will have to decide what else I need and make a list for the store. Some things I already have, so I can make some cookies. I will just have to make the rest later. -----IN PROCESS!!

5. Figure out what I need for my family's party on Saturday. At least it's not here this year, so I don't have the mad dash of cleaning that would go along with that. But I need to make something to take with us. And I need to get a few small gifts (nothing expensive) for my nieces and nephew. Also, Rich will have to get a gift for the Chinese auction thing we do with the adults. I already got mine. I would have gotten him something too (I still might) but I thought he might like to get something for himself. ----- JUST NEED 3 MORE PRESENTS!

6. Clean the house. It's not out of control dirty. Just messy, so I will need to get that done as well. ----PUT THE KIDS TO WORK ON THIS!!

7. Shop for the rest of the gifts I need. And decide what I'm making for Chirstmas dinner and buy the things I'll need for that.---- ALREADY HAVE DINNER PLANNED AND PAID FOR - JUST NEED TO FINISH THE GIFTS!!

I think that is all I have to do. But I need to get started ---- NOW!

Christmas is a week away!

You would think that after my last post about Christmas that I would be freaking out knowing that Christmas is only a week away. But I'm not! Today, I feel amazingly calm. I think that part of it is I have to work today, so my mind is occupied with that. And part of it is the fact that we don't have any money until Thursday when I get paid and more money comes in from other sources. So it's not like I can panic over presents when I can't buy them anyway. I can't make the cookies when I'm working, so there is no need to panic over that either. Besides if I made them, they would be gone in a day in my house, so it's probably a good thing I'm waiting to make them. Plus, some of them require ingredients that I don't have and would need to go to the store to buy anyway (and we don't have money for that right now).

Normally we would be okay financially, but the holidays are kicking us in the ass. We have been buying almost everything in cash. We did use one or two cards, but nothing to worry about. Rich is so good with money anyway, which is why we can afford the things we do. But Christmas with six kids is expensive, especially when we had decided to buy some pretty pricey stuff this year.

I'm sure we could have gotten away with less, but last year we really didn't get them that much. Not because we didn't have the money, but we were trying to teach them a lesson. They were so obnoxiously bad last year, it would of been a sin to get them a lot of presents. So we basically got things they needed and bought a few games to make up for the ones they lost or broke. I mean they were so bad as in a window had gotten broken, because someone threw a toy at it in anger. None of them did their chores worth a damn, among many other things. So with last year being so slim, we decided to go all out this year. I'm not sure they deserve it, but I guess no one broke a window this year.

I will probably start panicking again tomorrow or at the very least Friday. But today I'm not freaking out over anything!

Random Acts of Kindness

Someone blessed me with a random act of kindness! Took me by surprise.

I had to return Nicholas' new winter coat, because the zipper got stuck and I couldn't fix it. They ended up giving me a new coat. But that wasn't the act of kindness. That came after. I was standing in line at the store waiting my turn when I mentioned that my lips were sore and chapped. I was just talking out loud, you know making conversation.

The lady in front of me said, yeah that's why a keep a tube of chapstick in my purse.

I said yeah I do too, but one of my kids must of ran off with it cause I can't find it.

She said, her kids would of too, but she hid it in her purse.

So I get the new coat and I'm looking around at other things for Christmas, when this lady came up behind me and handed me a tube of Avon chapstick and said Merry Christmas.

I said where did this come from.

And she said out there and pointed at the Avon stand in the mall.

I said are you serious?

And she said yes, I know what chapped lips feel like and it hurts. So Merry Christmas and then she took off while I was saying Thank you, thank you so much. Merry Christmas to you too.

How neat was that?!

I was feeling alittle blue lately and I told Rich I was hating Christmas. He said I hate Christmas too. And I said you only deal with it for me don't you. And he said yep! So between what Rich said and then that lady appeared and I'm filled with joy. I think that was God sticking his nose in. He does that on occassion But I really needed it, not only because my lips hurt, but because my spirit was hurting too.

Are you ready for Christmas?

That is a question I have heard non-stop for the past few weeks. Everytime I hear it, I go into panic mode!

No, I'm not ready for Christmas. I don't think I ever will be! I only have 9 days left and only a few presents. Work keeps calling me and asking if I can come in and work. Well, gee maybe if I wasn't running around shopping and trying to get caught up, I would. But I promised that I would bake cookies with Sarah, I have a bare tree standing in the family room, which I have also promised we would decorate. And too many other things to mention.

I did get most of my cards done and sent out. But even those I didn't finish. I still have about 10-12 to make out for family members. And at least Amanda helped clean the house, so that is off my mind as well. Oh and yeah I did get the outside decorations done, so that is another less thing to worry about. But I still feel like freaking out!!

Rich and I are running out in a little bit to get some shopping done. So hopefully that will ease my mind some. I only have to work Tuesday, unless they ask me to come in, which they already did today (I don't think I'm going to do it). So that should give me some time to get things done this week.

I'm always wondering why I go to so much trouble to make things nice for the kids. I guess I just want them to be happy and have a nice memory of Christmas. If only they would remember all the good things, and not the bad. If they remember the thought behind the presents, the surprises, the way our house looked like Christmas threw up on it, the way the cookies tasted and how many different kinds there were. Instead of all the running around trying to make things nice, decorating, yelling at them for touching the tree again, making them help me clean up for the hundredth time... then I guess I can be happy knowing they have such good memories and satitsfied that I did a good enough job.

**I did manage to get pictures of Santa done as well. The older two are too cool to sit with Santa - the Humbugs!**

Musings of a six year old

I got a laugh out of Nicholas today (as I do on most days), so I thought I would share the philosophy of my six year old. Nicholas had just taken a bath and was getting dressed. He likes to do things for himself now that he's a big kid instead of a baby (his words), but I still like to check on him. I went to his room and he was putting his jammies on and he said "Hey mommy this is how boys get dressed, first they put their underwear on. Next, they put on their pants and then they put on their shirts. And this is how girls get dressed, first they put on their underwear and then they put on their shirts and last is their pants. Cause girls don't want anyone to see their boobies." HAHAHA!

Well, at least I thought it was funny!