and so it continues...

For most of my life I have struggled with body image issues.

Even when I was thin, I still felt fat.

As an adult, the struggle has been physical

(I've gained weight, I've lost weight)

as well as, an emotional one.

It's like riding a rollercoaster...the ups, the downs, the twists, and turns.

it really does damage not only your body, but your mind as well.

When you struggle with your weight, you will literally try almost anything.

If someone tells you that they lost weight standing on their head

three times a week for a month and lost twenty pounds

you think to yourself - well, if it worked for them

maybe it will work for me too.  

So you try it.

and of course you fail.

and when you fail, it damages your psyche.

You doubt yourself

You blame yourself

You shame yourself

And the next thing you know another new fad, or pill, or quick fix comes along

and there you go again - the cycle continues.

In a way I suppose, it's almost like an addiction.

(and I'm not talking about just a food addiction here)

The constant yo-yo doesn't just deal with the loss and gain of weight

but, with the loss and gain of yourself.

You all know what I mean.

It's brutal

no joke.

Through it all, you think you are alone in this battle.

Like you are the only one who struggles

and that no one really understands your story or what you are going through.

But you are not alone.

We are all in this together.

And while each of us has a different story to tell

we all need someone to share it with.

Someone who really gets it

Someone who has been in the trenches

Because even when we think we've won the war

we still need to fight the battle every day.

Every Single Day.

What's our motivation for basically torturing ourselves?

health

special occasion

self-image

whatever it is - it's much better to have someone in your corner

rather than face it alone, don't you think?

Everyone has a story

what's your's?

catching up

It seems like all I do is catch up.
My life has gotten so busy.  It's hard to keep track of things, let alone write about them.

but here's a quick update on the kids...

Amanda (25) ~ who had moved back home for a while, just moved back out.

She found a place closer to work, about a half hour from home.  It's a cute little second story walk up.

One bedroom, kitchen, living room and bath.  Perfect size for her.  She now works as one of the managers of Outback Steakhouse.  She really seems to enjoy it.  Of course, she always did like being bossy (guess that comes with being the oldest of six), so it works well for her - haha! 

Anthony (24) ~ who also has his own little place, will be attending law school this fall.  He currently works as a server at Bob Evans and also clerks for a local attorney...basically being paid to intern, I guess.  He really seems to enjoy it.  He's been looking into purchasing his own home soon, hoping to find something closer to the school.

Sarah (20) ~ currently lives at home.  She recently re-enrolled in college and *I think* she is majoring in graphic design.  She also helps care for Rich, who hasn't been doing so well...talk more about that some other time.

Zachary (20) ~ also currently living at home, but hopes to move out sometime soon, works as a cook at Bob Evans.  He is thinking about enrolling in college as well.

Nicholas (16) ~ will be a junior in high school this fall.  I still can't believe it.  It almost seems unreal to me that not only he, but his siblings as well, are growing older and becoming so independent.  It's crazy to me.  Nick, just started a new job.  He was working for a local landscaper.  He now works as a stock boy at a local grocery store.  He really seems to like it, more so, he enjoys making his own money.  He has his learner's permit and he is literally driving me crazy.  haha! He's sort of passed the scary beginning stages of driving, but still has a long way to go until he's ready to take his driver's test.

Nathan (12) ~ soon to be 13...can you believe it ?!? I know I can't.  He will be in 8th grade this fall.  Seems like just yesterday when he was getting ready for kindergarten.  On a really weird note, it has been 12 or so years since I first started blogging. 

So, as for me, it seems like the last time I posted anything, I was still doing Nutrisystem and I left everyone sort of hanging.  With all the junk that I had going on, it was too hard to keep up with.  I know a lot of people said how hard could it be to just eat the food and exercise.  Well, that part wasn't hard at all, but trying to keep up with blogging about it in the midst of everything else going on in my life....it ended up just becoming overwhelming - between grieving the loss of my mom, graduating, college, caring for Rich, dealing with stress, and getting a new job....it was just too much.  I never should have added even more to the mess.  I really wish I would have waited until things calmed down, but you know how that goes, when you're a mom.  You think you can do everything....until you can't.  

.....and that's about all for now.

My hope is to get back on track and post more regularly.
fingers crossed that I can keep that promise.