Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The basketball jersey

My oldest, Amanda plays basketball on the girls junior high team. They have three uniforms that they have to wear. One for scrimmages and practices, one for home games and one for away games. Amanda is well aware what her basketball schedule is. She has it posted in the kitchen and carries a copy in her backpack. Yesterday, I had to work, so I wasn't home in the evening (I work afternoon shift). She knew she had a game today, but didn't make sure she had her jersey for today.

So this afternoon she calls home (a half hour before she needs the jersey) and tells me she couldn't find it this morning and asked me if I would look for it. I said well I'll try but I'm not promising anything. I looked in her bedroom. Now if you can remember back to being a teen and how many clothes you had, you can imagine what her room looks like. Clothes everywhere! I looked in the laundry room, in the hamper, behind the couch, in the little boy's toybox, behind the tv, in the other kid's closets, every where I could think of, I looked.

I look and look and the whole time I'm thinking, why am I looking for this thing. She knew she had a game today. She should have taken better care of it. She shouldn't have waited until the last minute. Does she think I can just jump up once I find it and run it to her, because I can't - I have to get her little brothers ready first. I shouldn't have to be looking for it, it's not my responsibility.

I kept looking and thinking about it. Why was I looking for it? It must be mom guilt. I would have felt bad, if she couldn't play at that game today, because she didn't have her jersey. So I kept looking and looking for it, until she called and asked if I found it. I told her no and I looked everywhere. God's honest truth. I have no idea where that jersey is.

Amanda said, oh well I guess I just won't play today, I'll just sit on the bench and watch instead of play. Now, she didn't seem that upset over it. I actually think I was more upset than she was. Why do I let myself feel that way. Deep down I know she was responsible for it, deep down I knew it wasn't my fault. Deep down I know there wasn't anything I could do about it and yet I felt terrible, like I let her down of something. It has to be mom guilt that makes me feel that way.
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