Friday, June 12, 2009

I have come to realize....

I realized something while I was taking my computer break. I don't really have any friends. I mean, I have friends, but not friend friends - know what I mean? Like, Rich has a really good buddy he goes out to dinner with once in awhile, and another one that he eats lunch with every other month or so. Another one that he goes fishing with and watches football games with...and a friend that he just stops by once or twice or sometimes three times a week and just hangs out at his kitchen table and talks to. And while he doesn't think of them as "best" friends, they are friends that he sees on a regular basis.

I have lots of "friends" on the computer. My little invis-a-friends. Ones that I can chat with and ask advice, but no one that I see on a regular basis. Heck, half of those "friends" are people I will never, ever meet. I have a few "real life" friends that I hang out with once in a blue moon (like Rich's football/fishing buddy's wife). I see Terri on a semi regular basis and I consider her a pretty good friend. I can tell her almost anything and I see her at work on the days we have the same schedule. But, we don't really hang out together. We don't do "girl's night out" or anything like that.

And I have some friends like my sister in law, Kristen. I consider Kristen a friend, but we don't do many friendly things. We don't go shopping together or see chick flicks or anything like that. It's mostly just hanging out and talking. And don't get me wrong, I am grateful that I have people like that that I can talk too, but I think I really miss just having a friend that I can do fun stuff with. I realized when I didn't have the computer, that I was feeling pretty lonely. I'd like to have a friend that I can hang out with and do fun stuff with. I'm not looking for someone to run around with all the time. And I don't want someone that ties me down to the phone all day. I once had a friend that I talked to on the phone for hours. I didn't mind it so much once a week or so, but when you're talking everyday and it gets to the point where they are holding other conversations with other people in their house while they are supposedly talking to you, it gets to be a little much.

I just want to have someone that if I'm having a bad week and they are having a bad week, we can get together, have a drink and see a movie or window shop. It's not like I would be able to do that all the time anyway, since I have a 24/7 shadow named Nathan, but once or twice a month might be kind of fun. I miss having a good/best friend. I'm sure Rich would be all too happy to have someone else listen to my endless babble of blahs instead of me constantly babbling to him all the time.

I'm not even sure how to go about starting a friendship like that. I am fairly shy, especially around new people and believe it or not, I'm actually a pretty quiet person (not that Rich would agree, but he's getting all the convos and other junk that I share because I don't have anyone else to really share it with). But I realize that I need a friend, at least one really good one, maybe two, I don't know. I don't want to have this lonely feeling anymore. I don't want to be so clingy to my husband or computer friends, that I don't make any real ones. What if I didn't have a computer or if something (God forbid) happened to Rich? Who would I talk to then? And while I'm sure Rich doesn't mind my endless antics, he is afterall a man, and they just don't listen as well as a woman does. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with my hubby and I would like to do more fun things with him, I just think it would be fun to hang out with some friends of my own.

Ahhh, maybe one of these days I'll find my Ethel (Lucy) or Shirley (Laverne), who knows......
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