Thursday, December 27, 2007

Stay at home mom meet Working mom

I know that all moms are working moms. But I've been a sahm for over 13 years. I started staying home, when Anthony was a baby and he's almost 14. Through the years, I've had various jobs (just extra money to either make ends meet, or have spending money). But I have always considered myself a stay at home mom.

I've been working as a certified nursing assistant for almost 5 years (April). I love the job, but it is hard work. I should say I love the residents (patients), but the work itself is hard. It's hard getting attached to those folks, when you know they are at the end of their lives. It's hard taking care of them, meeting their basic needs. Helping them bath, get dressed, sometimes feeding them, changing their diapers. It's hard thinking that someday, that could be me. I really do like my job. It kind of makes me feel like I have a purpose, not that staying home doesn't do that. But it's just different, making your own money, contributing financially to the family.

When I first starting working Rich would make it a big point to show me what all the extra money was going to. Like we had extra money to buy the kids new bikes. And he made it a big point to show and tell the kids that mom's job paid for them. It made me feel important.

I like staying at home, don't get me wrong. I love seeing my children's faces when they look for me in the crowd at an event and find me sitting there watching them. I love being to one they run to when they have things that need to be solved. I love being home in general. And it makes it really hard sometimes when I have to go to work. Hearing Nathan crying as I close the door, leaves me in tears on my way to work. Not being able to go to one of the kids' concerts, or sporting events makes me feel like I'm being left out of something. It makes me feel like a bad mom.

But I also know there are times when I just have to suck it up and deal with it, cause I'm a big girl. Like now, with the holidays being over, and going over board with gifts, someone has to make extra money. Our situation is different now that Rich is hurt and can't work. He gets a fixed income, which is substanial, but doesn't always pay for the extra stuff we need, or want. So now that lies on me. I have to make the extra money and I have to suck it up on the days where I just want to be at home. I guess that's just life and we all have to deal with it.

For the next month or so (especially this coming month), I have to be a big girl and deal with it missing the twins play basketball and Amanda's play practice. But that's okay. I might bitch and whine about it, but in the end, I know it's what I have to do. So I'll just do it. Hopefully when things settle down at work and maybe they hire a couple of new people I can go back to working just a few days a week. Instead of almost everyday of the week.
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