Tuesday, April 29, 2008

And Another One

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check,
she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great.... some asshole's got my pen!'

A Company Policy

My sister sent this to me, through e-mail and I thought it was funny and wanted to share.

A Company policy-times are tough--oh my!!!

Dress Code:
- You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
- If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
- If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
- If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases here employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
- Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
- Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
- Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed

Thought this was kind of profound

I received this in an e-mail.

The Duck & the Devil

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.

He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.

He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target.

Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.

As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.

Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved!

In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
After lunch the next day Grandma said, 'Sally, let's wash the dishes'

But Sally said, 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.'

Then she whispered to him, 'Remember the duck?'

So Johnny did the dishes.

La ter that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, 'I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.'

Sally just smiled and said, 'Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help'

She whispered again, 'Remember the duck?' So Sally went fishing a nd Johnny stayed to help.

After several day of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's; he
finally couldn't stand it any longer.

He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.'

Thought for the day and every day thereafter?

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... And the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ..whatever it is...You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.

He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.

The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness;

He not only forgives you, but He forgets.

It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved.

Go ahead and make the difference in someone's life today.

Share this with a friend and always remember:

God is at the window!

When Jesus died on the cross; he was thinking of you!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

reflections of the past thirty five years

On this the last day that I will ever be 35, I decided to look back at my life and just spill it all for those who read (I may have to delete this later). Just give everyone a glimpse at what is going on in my mind.

All my life I have always had the hardest time sharing my feelings. I keep them bottled up, all to myself and never let them out. There are some things that I can't even share with Rich. Not bad things, just my feelings, like when I am angry I don't just come out and say it. I usually walk away. If he hurts my feelings somehow, I don't just tell him, I internalize it. I'm not much of a cryer, it takes alot to make me break (not because I don't want to cry). Sometimes this makes me feel so cold. Do you know that it took me years to cry after my dad passed away (we're talking over ten)? And it's not because I didn't love my dad. I just couldn't make myself cry, until one day Rich and I were talking about something totally unrelated and I just blurted out, I miss my daddy and the tears flowed over. I might get misty eyed watching a movie, or over something my kids have done or said, but I just don't cry over normal things. Sometimes out of the blue things will build up and then I let loose, but for the most part I don't cry.

I am very insecure. I hate that about myself. There are lots of times residents at the nursing home will say things like "you look pretty in yellow, that's your color". Or the old men, will flirt with me and tell me that I'm pretty. I usually just laugh and say yeah right. I might act like I'm a tough person, that I don't care, but deep down, I do. I really just want people to like me. Rich is always saying how beautiful I am and half the time I look at him think, seriously? Me? No way. I might pass for cute, but not beautiful, get out of here. It does make me feel good about myself, that someone thinks I'm pretty. Because I never really had a lot of boyfriends. The ones I did have didn't last long. Later in college, I wouldn't call the guys I went out with boyfriends, more like sex partners. Nothing real came out of it. And I think in the end they were just using me or maybe I was using them? All I wanted was someone to love me, to really love me. That never came, until I met Rich.

Now Rich is always telling me, more like showing me (feelings are hard for him to express too). He does so many sweet things. He brings up things I mentioned years ago and will try to fulfill my every wish, dream and fanatasy. He never really wanted to settle in this town or buy this house. He just did it for me. Why does he do that? Is this what love means? I know I'm lucky to have him. Even though I spend most of my time just pushing him away. I don't know if it's an "I don't need you or anybody" attitude or I just don't know how to handle this love that he shows me. All I know is that I appreciate him and his love, and I love him, but I don't know how to show it.

Along with feeling insecure, I have always felt like I wasn't smart enough. As I was growing up my mother often made references to how I was a dumb blonde. Telling dumb blonde jokes and laughing at my expense. I have spent my entire life, trying to live up to her expectations. And while failing all the time and knowing it, I still felt like a lost puppy chasing her around saying "look at me". I can't seem to let it go. It haunts me and I hate it. While I was filling out college applications applying for nursing programs, because my mother persuaded me too, even though I had plans to go for teaching, I overheard my mother talking on the phone. She very plainly said, "Charlene isn't very smart, so I don't think this will last long." And yet, I constantly seek approval from her. Why? And do you know that my younger brother went to college for teaching? And our mother was all for it.

Now all these years later, I still struggle with thoughts of how dumb I am. Even though Rich has looked at my transcripts and saw my IQ score and tells me that I'm smarter than the average person, I still feel stupid. I'm so scared of failing and proving that I actually am stupid, that I won't go back to school for nursing or otherwise. Rich has told me numerous times, that I should go to school and I could go for what ever I wanted. But I don't know what I want and I'm too afraid to try.

I am so afraid of some many things. I live my life in fear. I'm afraid of being alone. I know that sounds odd, when I have such a big family. And don't get me wrong I do relish moments of privacy and quiet, but if something were to happen to my family and I was all alone, I just don't know what I would do with myself. I'm afraid of everything, maybe even life itself. I think I have spent so much time fearing life, that I haven't taken the time to just live my life.

I have this need to do everything by myself. I'm afraid to ask for help. I think that I should be able to do everything myself and if I can't, then there is something wrong with me. It's either all or nothing with me. If I can't get it all done, then I'm not even going to bother to try getting it done. Well, there you have it, my life in a nutshell. I'm hoping that this year, my 36th year, that I might be able to try something new, or change a bad habit or two, or maybe learn how to change some of these deep set feelings that I have. Here's to me on my birthday!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Nate's bugs

So this whole thing with Nathan and the ant is driving me nuts!! Every five minutes he comes running up to me, crying and whining about there being bugs on him, when clearly there is not. I think I'm going to have to endure more screaming and give him a bath (he abhors taking a bath and sounds like we're killing a cat when he's in there), and hope that it works with the bug crawling on him factor. I feel bad for him, because I know he's freaked out (that's how I get too), but it is making me crazy to have him come whining every couple of minutes sticking random body parts in my face screaming, make that wailing that there is a bug on it. I don't know if he expects me to kiss it, or smack the pretend bug away, hahaha...

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! that's my cyber scream, my kid is making me coo-coo LOL! Poor baby!!

Just venting, ignore me!

random things

So I discovered that Nathan is afraid of bugs (much like his mommy). There was an ant crawling on his arm, which Nicholas knocked off and killed for him (what's funny - is last year Nicholas was afraid of bugs, he thought ants were spiders). Nathan must have felt buggy after that, because he was freaking out, wanted his shirt off, wouldn't let me put clothes on him, wanted his diaper off, he thought there were bugs everywhere. Nicholas thought it was hilarious! I, then told Nick "Do you remember when you were afraid of bugs." He laughed and said yes. Guess I'm not the only one, eh?

I was outside yesterday and noticed that my flowers are blooming (tuplips aren't up yet), I'm so excited!! I always thought I had a black thumb, but this is proving me wrong. But than again, how hard is to transplant flowers and making sure the bulbs are underground. Of course they are going to grow. But I'm still excited! They are very pretty. Don't remember what they are called maybe crocus, not sure. They are pink, purple and white and apparently last year I planted them in a pretty pattern, because they actually go around the tree planter bed, pink, purple white, pink, purple white.

I'm just so excited, can't you tell? I love flowers, especially tulips, can't wait until I start to see those coming up!!

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

I think I just lost ten years of my life!

I was downstairs this morning throwing some laundry in the washer, when I picked up some wet towels and what did I see under all those towels? A HUGE, black, hairy, freaky looking SPIDER!!! I was freaked and I think I lost a few years of my life. You know like one of those freak attacks. I wonder if a person has enough of those, would it eventually kill them. You know, like scare them to death.

I saw this spider and my skin began to crawl. It just sat there on the floor. So I hurry up and jump on the sucker. Yes, literally jumped up, then down right on top of it. And the damn thing had to nerve to stick to the bottom of my slipper (which by the way, have hard soles, so don't worry I don't have spider parts on the bottom of my slipper). So I'm down there trying to scrape it into the garbage can, and it's legs are moving. And all I could think of was this thing is calling for back up or something. The next time I go down there, there will be ten more of the suckers. LOL!

I'm sure (at least I hope) that's not true. But the laundry is going to have to wait until I get the courage to go back down there. I still can't believe I jumped on it and killed it, instead of running around like a nut and getting Rich to come and kill it for me. Which is what I usually do, wait for the boys or Rich to get it for me. That's their job anyway, isn't? I still remember the time when Rich and I were first married. I was taking a shower in the upstairs bathroom and he was down in the livingroom. I saw a spider crawling down the wall and I started screaming bloody murder. Rich ran up the stairs and practically knocked the door down to get in the bathroom. He was kinda mad that I made him come running over a spider, but he killed it for me and he's been doing it ever since. Every once in a while I will get brave enough to kill one myself. But that's not very often and it always leaves me shaking and freaking out for hours afterwards.

Oh well, it's been a couple of hours now, I think it's safe to do some more laundry. So I'll be venturing downstairs, hoping and praying that I don't have another encounter with a spider, LOL! Oh and if you want another good spider story, there's one in my archives, actually there are probably a few LOL!

Monday, April 07, 2008

Nathan, the Helper

Nathan, God love him, is the sweetest little boy, ever! I just love him to pieces.

We went to a doctor's office recently and they had a bird aviary there. Nathan fell in love with those birds! He ran back and forth with the birds as they flew around. He knew he had to be quiet, so he kept looking at me, shooshing me and those around him. He really loves animals. It shows in the way he cares for his stuffed puppy and teddy bears. He lines them all up in a row on the couch and cuddles up with them as he watches cartoons. He tries to give them sips of his milk or bites of his food. He just wants to make sure they get attention and love, and making sure they aren't hungry. He is always kissing them and making everyone else kiss them. It really is just the sweetest, most adorable thing you have ever seen.

He always watches the other kids feed the dog, the fish, the cat. He watches them and their dad give the dog and cat little treats and things. He always wants to help. And he gets the biggest smile on his face when he hands the cat or dog a treat. So watching and doing all this, he knows exactly what food goes to what animal. And he knows where we keep the food and treats. Being as he's a toddler, he's into everything. And I'm not always there to follow his every move, as I have other things to do too.

About a week ago, Nathan must have decided the cat was hungry, because I found two empty containers of cat treats on the floor. Which by the way, were filled to the top. He had pushed a chair over to the top of the dresser where we sometimes keep the treats. And apparently fed the cat. The next thing I know the cat throws up in about ten different piles on the floor. I hate the cat, I make Amanda and Rich clean the litter box, I just won't go near it. So here I am cleaning up cat puke all day. Did I mention that I hate the cat?

Two days later, I walk into the kitchen, only to see millions of fish flake food floating all over the tank and a chair pushed up to the counter where the food was kept and another chair pushed in front of the tank. I immediately go get Rich, since the tank and fish are his babies. We come to find out that Nathan dumped three cansisters of flake food out in the tank. So for the past two days, we have been cleaning the fish tank. Scooping up what food we can out with a net and using a hose to suck out the rest.

What a mess! And poor little Nathan, God love him, he just wanted to make sure his little buddies didn't go hungry! See, he really is the sweetest little boy, ever!

Guess what I woke up to this morning!

Oh I bet you are thinking all kinds of horrible things aren't you? Well, actually it was something very surprising and really sweet.

I have been bitching for weeks that no one helps with the laundry, the kids especially. I am having such a hard time keeping up with things when I'm working so much (another bitchy vent that I have). I know that's surprising when you realize that I have two sets of washers and dryers. But yes, I still get behind. Mostly because the kids don't put their clean clothes away correctly. Now I could easily solve that problem, by putting their clothes away for them, but I'm their mother, not their maid. I don't think it will kill them to put their own damn clothes away.

Usually their clothes (mainly the boys do this) end up on the floor of their closets, on top of the dressers, instead of in the dressers, etc, etc. Now that they are on the floor, they are dirty again, right? I really hate that. Let me tell you how much fun it is finding clothes with hangers still attached, socks still put together, jeans still folded, in the laundry room. Waiting for me to come along and wash them all over again. I really hate washing clean clothes, wasting water, detergent, money, my time.

Plus, Amanda is always whinning about how she doesn't have any clean clothes. It's really annoying when it's coming from a teenager, believe me. I keep telling her to stop crying about it and just help me. And if she won't help me, than she shouldn't be whinning about it. It makes me crazy!

So anyway, I woke up today and went down to the laundry room, like I do most of my mornings, to start a couple of loads. When what do I see? Amanda with Zachary washing clothes, putting clothes in the dryer and sorting out the remaining clothes. I was so thrilled, I threw my arms around Amanda and thanked her profusely. It was so nice and wonderful walking back upstairs without a laundry basket in my arms. And when I got to the top of the stairs, starring at me from the couch were three baskets of folded laundry.

I'm grateful my girl listened, I really am. However, I'm beginning to wonder just what this kid wants from me, LOL! Everything is usually attached with a price when my kids are involved!

Friday, April 04, 2008

Just sharing a cute website

I found this website a few years ago. But then our computer crashed and I forgot all about it. A few weeks ago, I was bored and wanted to play some on-line games. Some reason, jig saw puzzles came to my mind and I googled (I love google) puzzles and found the website I had lost all those years ago. Anyway, I love it there are hundreds of puzzles to chose from. You can even take a picture of your own and make it into a puzzle. My kids loved it too. So if you're bored, like puzzles and want to check out something new, here you go....www.jigzone.com

Have fun!