Friday, April 13, 2012

In My Next 40 Years....

Happy  Birthday to ME!!

I'm 40....

I don't even know how that happened.

It seemed like only yesterday I was graduating high school and just starting what I thought would be an awesome, majoring in nursing and living life.

I grew up (actually still live in) a small town and I dreamed the same dreams everyone from a small town does....graduate high school and get the hell outta dodge and not look back.

But then life got in the way and things changed and didn't go the way I had planned....God made different plans for me.

I moved back home after screwing up college, got a job at a factory and began again....little did I know that God's plans for my life were way better than my plan ever was.

I met Rich and we got married, began a family and it's been mostly happily ever after, ever since.

The last 20 years or so have been spent raising a family and I hate to say this, but also with me figuring out who I am.

Am I just a wife and mom?

What does my future hold for me?

I realized a few months ago that I wanted more out of life then just working my little part time job.
I earned that title CNA...through hard work and dedication.  I have a little piece of paper that says so.

But I want more....

I quit my job and decided to go back to school.  To sort of finish what I started all those years ago.
Only this time, I wanted to do something different.
I realized that nursing wasn't for me.

However, I really enjoy spending time with kids, not just mine.
And I really loved teaching Nathan.
And doing arts and crafts.

So I decided that I want to be a teacher.

This coming fall, I will be a college student.
Sure, it will be weird going to college and having two kids in college, but I finally decided what I want to be "when I grow up."

In my next 40 years...

I will get a degree.

 and I will be happy.

I will lose some weight

and I will be healthy.

In my next 40 years...

I will not hide behind the camera

I want to be seen in my children's memories,
not just be remembered.

I want pictures of me with them and their father,
so they can show their own children one day what their grandmother looked like.

I will be more adventurous.
I will no longer let fear guide my decisions.

Does this mean I want to jump out of airplanes?

Heck No!

But I won't let myself be so fearful that I can't even climb a ladder.

In my next 40 years...

I will continue discovering who I am
and the things that I enjoy doing.

And if God's plan for me is to be just a wife and mom...
that's ok.

I will learn to love myself

I will be happy

just being me.


Jackie said...

Beautiful post! Happy birthday!!

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

What an awesome reflection, Charlene. It's really inspiring to read your reflection, and see the many wonderful things that lie ahead for you.

I hope you have a fantastic birthday...and that the coming year is full of greatness for you and your family!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful! Happy Birthday and here's to another awesome 40 years!

Emmy said...

Happy Happy Birthday!! So awesome that you will be going to school and doing what you want now. You are an amazing mother and crafter and are doing a great job raising your family and now you get to do something for yourself.

Mellie said...

Happy Birthday!! Hope you enjoyed your day.

Amanda Tempel said...

I'm sorry I missed this post when you first made it! I hope you had an amazing birthday! :)