Thursday, January 01, 2015

your life matters.

I know it's new year and all and everyone is all about new beginnings and resolutions...
I usually think of my birthday as my 'new' year.
so, I usually wait and think about what I really want to accomplish
and plan that around my day.

when I turned 40 a few years ago, I made some big, huge changes to my life.
I don't regret a single one of them.

I embarked on an incredible journey of discovering who I wanted to be.

the kind of wife
the kind of mother
the kind of person God was calling me to be
the kind of friend I needed to be

I wanted to feel like my life meant something.

I know I'm a pretty big important person to my family.
but, I needed to see that for myself.

I needed to step back and take a big ol' look at myself 

I kind of didn't like what I saw when I did.

I felt like I settled in my life.

so, I set out to make those big - huge changes.

I let go of so many, many fears that held me back in my life.

I let go of my fear of failure
I let go of my fear of fear itself.

I took a huge giant leap of faith....
I prayed that God would be there to catch me if I fell.

who knew when I jumped that I would actually fly?

certainly, not me.

I quit my job that I had for eight plus years

I went back to college, after twenty years

I started my own sewing business after re-teaching myself to sew

I lost over 30 pounds of weight

I discovered a love of nature

I got a new job that I totally love, one that makes me incredibly happy

I grabbed life by the horns and rode the to speak

I got in touch with my spirituality
I prayed that God would help me to understand how much pain and suffering my husband was going through.....and then, went through my own physical pain and endured it.
I prayed that God would help me to understand the feelings of anger, doubt, frustration and helplessness of dealing with someone who is going through a major life depression - just as my husband had done for me, many years ago in the earlier stages of our marriage and what an eye opening experience it has been.

to say that I became a stronger woman, through it all, is a drastic understatement.

No matter what life (or God) threw at me....I succeeded.

I did it.

was it always easy?

um, hell no.

did I still have feelings of doubt that I let creep in?

oh yeah.

is that fear still lingering?

um, yep, you bet.

but you know what I realized....I'm worth this life that God gave me

I'm worth the love He has shown me

I'm worth every damn, darn second.

my life may never be perfect...
and I'm totally okay with that.

but I will say this....I will never give up again
I will never let the devil beat me down and make me feel worthless
I will never, ever let fear steal anything more from me.

I'm just going to continue to climb this mountain of life that God placed before me
and know that I'm not alone
that I have nothing to fear
that I can do anything
as long as I believe in myself

Life matters,,,,
Life is worth it....
Make the most of it.

It's a gift that was hand made and planned just for you.

you can do with it what you want.

you can live in a bubble and not like it
you can live in fear and denial


you can take a step back and look at the big picture that was painted just for you.

that path that is just waiting to be explored

I'm planning on filling my life scrapbook with

love and grace

how about you?

and someday....when I'm old and gray and bedridden
and my children and their children and perhaps, even their children
look in my 'trunk' of life (so to speak),

I want them to see what a completely amazing person and woman I was

and be pretty darn proud of me.

and think my mom, nonna, great nonna played the game of life and 

she totally nailed it!!

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