Monday, January 21, 2008

BIG Vent

So the last couple of times I've been at work, people have made little comments about me/to me. Saying things out of the blue; like maybe your pregnant, going so far as telling the residents I'm pregnant, and hey you never know you could be next (that one came from someone who is pregnant). I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! I don't find this even slightly funny!

This pisses me off!

I mean REALLY PISSES ME OFF!!!

I got my tubes tied for a reason, people! I don't want anymore kids!!! Some days I can barely handle the ones I already have. I am sick and tired of diapers!! I'm tired of cleaning up poop, I'm tired of buying diapers and wipes. And I really do not want to have to go through the heartache of trying to breastfeed, only to find out that I'm starving my child, because I can't produce enough milk. Then buying formula, because the shit is so expensive.

Not to mention the fact that I have had complications the last three times I've been pregnant. Now why would I want to go through all that again. Let's see, oh yay, bedrest is so much fun, when you have a toddler running circles around you. And don't forget how wonderful it is to spend weeks in a hospital bed, because the baby wants to come too early. And let me add how great it is to puke endlessly and feel like your guts are coming up through your throat!

Are you kidding me?! The last thing in the world I want to do is get pregnant again. I'd rather shoot myself! Don't get me wrong I love my children, but I don't want anymore. I have enough. Let someone who is struggling to have kids have some instead of me!

I am tired of being fat! I have just started losing weight again. I don't want to be pregnant and fat for another year plus... It takes me forever to lose the weight, just look at me now - I'm still carrying around the weight I gained 15 years ago, when I was pregnant with Amanda. I'm so tired of it, I can't stand it. It's bad enough having people ask me if I'm pregnant because my stomach is so distorted from being pregnant for so long. Most of the time the people who ask have bigger stomachs than I do! And it just makes me want to say you know I hope you get pregnant with triplets!

Seriously I want to smack the next person who says something to me about it. Better yet, I'd like to punch them out. Why can't people just MIND THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!!! I'M NOT PREGNANT NOR DO I WANT TO BE! I'm tired of hearing about so and so's cousin's brother's aunt that had their tubes tied and now they're pregnant.

My tubes were cauterized, not tied. I begged to doctor to take my uterus, but he wouldn't, just so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

I'm freakin' old people! I'm 35 and not getting any younger. I don't want to be an old mom! I had my kids young, because I wanted to be able to play with them, and do things, not be sitting on a park bench sucking down oxgyen, and praying I can get back up again!

Can I just say one more time I'M NOT PREGNANT NOR DO I EVER WANT TO BE!!!

I don't think you're being funny or cute and anything else. I think you are being ignorant and rude! Stop asking me, stop saying shit and just leave me the fuck alone!
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