Thursday, January 24, 2008
This toddler rules
If you have a toddler than you must know the rules that need to be followed. Not your rules, their rules. Everything belongs to them. Everyone must do their bidding. And in case you forgot, everything belongs to them.
Nathan newest thing right now is to say "mine" about everything. And you better give it to him too, or he will keep saying mine, mine, mine, MINE until you do hand it over. And if you don't hand it over, and Nathan does get it back. You can be guaranteed you're getting smacked in the head with said object.
Just to refresh everyone's memories, I will share with you The Toddler Rules. Oh and I must share that Nathan does use his own toothbrush to brush his teeth with, but everyone else's toothbrush is fair game to play with. And usually it goes into the toilet. It's always better to throw someone else's toothbrush in the toilet, right? At least Nathan thinks so. And I have a lovely drawing in pen on my kitchen table if anyone is interested, LOL!
If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.