Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Not Sure How I Go About This....

As you all know, Amanda graduated high school and will be going to college.  Granted, she's only going to be 30 minutes away, but she will still be leaving to live in a dorm.  Now, I may complain and whine alot about her behavior, but it doesn't mean that I love her any less.  I love my girl, I just don't love what hormones did to her (or to any of us for that matter).  Amanda is usually a pretty good helper when she wants to be and a pretty good sister too, when she's not being annoyed endlessly. 

I've known for years that she would up and fly the nest and leave me....doesn't mean I'm any more prepared for it, now that it's happening.  Why do kids have to go and grow up on us?? I hate this part of parenting, just as much as the disciplining part.  I've mentally prepared for her leaving.  I've even gone so far as to rearrange the kids bedrooms...not trying to take away her place in our family or her space, but it seems stupid having Sarah in the largest kid bedroom by herself.  So, I'm moving the little boys into the girls' bigger room and Sarah back into her old bedroom.  And leaving Amanda's bed in the big bedroom with her younger brothers for now - so that when she does come home for the weekends or during breaks she will have a place to sleep and put her stuff, without sharing with her sister (since they have been fighting quite a bit lately).

My real problem with this whole thing is getting all these "dorm room" flyers in the mail.  PB dorm style, Target dorm sale flyer, college flyer with sheet and comforter sets.  It makes the whole thing more...real.  I get teary eyed every time I look at those stupid flyers.  I will miss my little red headed, pig tailed girl.  The child with the brightest smile, the one who encouraged me to go on late night walks where we'd talk about boys and she'd hold my hand and pulled me along when I wanted to sit down on the sidewalk and rest.  It's weird how full cycle life is....you know it happens, but when it happens to you, it's so surreal.  I remember being the one gently pulling her along into her kindergarten classroom many years ago.  And then standing in the hallway outside her classroom crying.  In a little over a month, I'll be crying in a hallway again, this time at a college dorm.

Rich laughs at me and says...think of all the times, she stole your shoes and lost them or "borrowed" your perfume and wasted it all, or all the dumb fights you've had over the years.  The last five years or so have been rough with all the hormones and junk that goes with puberty and growing up.  We were finally getting to the point where she confided in me about life and asked my opinion and now she's gonna leave.....how dare she!?!

Parenting Sucks....really, really Sucks!

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