Tuesday, February 22, 2011

For Once I Wish I Wasn't Such A Mom!

I'll be writing about this topic again soon, so I don't want to get to into the subject now, but I just wish sometimes I wasn't such a mom.

My loyal readers know that I recently had a D&C done, because of fibroid tumors and there was talk of doing a hysterectomy as well, but at the time it was just going to be a D&C.  At my follow up appointment my doctor told me that I would need the hysterectomy after all and I was told it would take place in March.

When I went to make my appointment, the receptionist said he does the surgeries every other Wednesday and that left March 2 and 16.  I was going to say the 2nd, but then I remembered that Anthony's birthday is March 3rd.  I thought I don't want to have major surgery the day before his birthday, because I wouldn't be there to celebrate it with him.  So I chose the 16th instead.

Why ?????

It's not like Anthony is a little boy anymore....he's going to be 17.  He probably wouldn't care if he had cupcakes on his actual birthday.  Anthony isn't a mama's boy, but he does love me enough to not want to see me suffering in pain.  He is intelligent enough to know what a huge ordeal this whole thing has been.  I don't think he would have minded. 

But.....

The mom in me, couldn't do it.

Now, I have to wait out not only the rest of February, but two more weeks in March as well.  Two more weeks (3 total) of pain and suffering and bleeding off and on and back pain and cramps and feeling tired and crappy.  Periods like they were before the D&C with clots and such.  Driving Rich crazy with worry, driving myself crazy with worry.  I'm tired of being in pain.  I'm tired of worrying about every little thing.  I'm tired of worrying about work and calling off when I don't have the sick days to cover it.  I'm tired of the whole darn thing and just want  it to be over with already.  I've been struggling with my feelings and everything connected to that part of me. 

  Why oh why do I have to be such a mom!
Why didn't I think of just Me?

 

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