Friday, April 13, 2012

In My Next 40 Years....

Happy  Birthday to ME!!

I'm 40....

I don't even know how that happened.

It seemed like only yesterday I was graduating high school and just starting what I thought would be an awesome, majoring in nursing and living life.

I grew up (actually still live in) a small town and I dreamed the same dreams everyone from a small town does....graduate high school and get the hell outta dodge and not look back.

But then life got in the way and things changed and didn't go the way I had planned....God made different plans for me.

I moved back home after screwing up college, got a job at a factory and began again....little did I know that God's plans for my life were way better than my plan ever was.

I met Rich and we got married, began a family and it's been mostly happily ever after, ever since.

The last 20 years or so have been spent raising a family and I hate to say this, but also with me figuring out who I am.

Am I just a wife and mom?

What does my future hold for me?

I realized a few months ago that I wanted more out of life then just working my little part time job.
I earned that title CNA...through hard work and dedication.  I have a little piece of paper that says so.

But I want more....

I quit my job and decided to go back to school.  To sort of finish what I started all those years ago.
Only this time, I wanted to do something different.
I realized that nursing wasn't for me.

However, I really enjoy spending time with kids, not just mine.
And I really loved teaching Nathan.
And doing arts and crafts.

So I decided that I want to be a teacher.

This coming fall, I will be a college student.
Sure, it will be weird going to college and having two kids in college, but I finally decided what I want to be "when I grow up."

In my next 40 years...

I will get a degree.

 and I will be happy.

I will lose some weight

and I will be healthy.

In my next 40 years...

I will not hide behind the camera

I want to be seen in my children's memories,
not just be remembered.

I want pictures of me with them and their father,
so they can show their own children one day what their grandmother looked like.

I will be more adventurous.
I will no longer let fear guide my decisions.

Does this mean I want to jump out of airplanes?

Heck No!

But I won't let myself be so fearful that I can't even climb a ladder.

In my next 40 years...

I will continue discovering who I am
and the things that I enjoy doing.

And if God's plan for me is to be just a wife and mom...
that's ok.

I will learn to love myself

I will be happy

just being me.

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